Haiku Revu: Cockneys vs Zombies

My haiku review of Cockneys Vs Zombies:

Zombie Destruction,
via the grey senescent,
and their TV heirs.

A pair of brothers attempt to source a fat wodge of cash to ensure that their sweary geriatric Grandfather (played by Alan Ford) can stay in his nursing home as a private developer attempts to turf him and his fellow retirees onto the street. As a quick fix for the problem they embark upon a bank job with their mate, a cousin (played by Michelle Ryan) and a gun toting brain wronged nut-job (played amazingly by Bashy). Toting a veritable arsenal they botch the heist, are quickly surrounded by armed police and plan on taking hostages so they can rush the coppers and make their getaway. Upon leaving the relative safety of the bank they find the surrounding streets devoid of people with a growing horde of zombies noshing on the few remaining stragglers hunting for shelter. Earlier on in the day an unfortunate work crew opened an Elizabethan tomb housing some decrepit cavaliers and sprung the zombie apocalypse on an unsuspecting London which gave the bungling bank crew their chance for escape. The swiftly decaying masses slowly make their way to the geriatric home whose inhabitants the brothers must now try and save from the shambling horde of undead.

The film premiered at Frightfest to warm applause, and I was surprised at the quality of the actors they managed to wrangle for the shoot. It was a slightly less gritty take on the zombie apocalypse with an amazing amount of running-and-gunning given it was set in a country with strict gun control laws. The comic book violence and fresh characters served as a good antidote to the earlier horrific showing of The Seasoning House and we hoped it would measure up well against another similar zombie caper movie, the Dutch Zombibi which was slated to be shown at the same festival. The film had more highs than lows, with a decent cast, good zombie makeup, and an Uzi-wielding Zimmer frame bound Richard Briers in what was unfortunately his last role. Low points included some dodgy cinematography leading to a few strange shot choices and editing which may not have made best use of the elements available.

On balance this was a bit disappointing, but still a decent enough movie. I’m giving this an AK-47-induced-repetitively-strained almost one thumb up, zombie aficionados will enjoy the mix of humour, popcorn and gore.

Lots of swearing and zombie mutilation in the trailer, definitely deserves the Red Band label. It also shows a large amount of the film, so don’t watch it if you want to be surprised by any of the content…

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